MINE

I’m listening to Tanzanian music, called Bongo Flava, which is like rap/hiphop/pop with an occasionally rasta/reggae feel. I’ve written a bit about it before, some of the songs are good, a lot are bad. I feel that FAR more have a better message, though, than in the States, and often the most popular songs tackle issues like AIDS, poverty, etc. The song I’m listening to know features two popular artists who are arguing over a woman. Each one claims that she is actually his lover, and not the lover of his fellow rapper. The funny thing is that the chorus, translated, goes something like this

‘I say, this dame is mine, and she is currently carrying my child…..
No, I disagree, she is my girlfriend, and the one who got her pregnant is ME and not YOU.’

Can you imagine American rappers fighting over paternity?!! As in, fighting over claiming and not denying paternity?!! Not exactly a typical argument you’d hear in the states.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, men here in Tanzania also have a very different way of showing affection for one another. For two men who are friends, it is very common to hold hands and walk down the street. Men often joke around when hanging out and wrap arms around each other. Sit on each others laps. And, a few times, I’ve seen grown men straight up hugging each other on the street. Young, old, they all do it. And why not? Why shouldn’t friends hold hands and joke around?

Clarification: It is only a gesture of friendship, as homosexuality is illegal, culturally not accepted, and in general not practiced here from what I gather.

At the same time, signs of affection between a man and a woman are incredibly rare and taboo. Which in part may be because it is just much less likely to actually see men and women walking around together – most women are at home with children, chores, and cooking, something the men are not excited to help out with. On any given evening here in Misungwi, if you were to walk down the main street, I would say 80% of the people hanging around are men. The ones holding hands with each other.

If there are unmarried women holding hands with men, they are often assumed to be promiscuous/prostitues. Part of me is VERY grateful for a lack of PDAs that plague the streets back home - holding hands is fine, but make out at home please. But at the same time, part of me recognizes that if men and women could be as free to express love and friendship as men are allowed to with each other, there would be a lot less hiding, ducking behind bushes, and other dangerous behaviors that can lead to multiple random partners and increase the risk of pregnancies, HIV, STDs, and general gender inequality. I sometimes cringe even when I see a man and woman holding hands [especially within a 100 meter radius of a bar] as I see a high likelihood of the man pressuring the woman to have sex, possibly for money, and probably unprotected.

And unfortunately, while rappers may rap one thing, not all Tanzanian men will fight over illegitimate children, especially if they are married to someone else. And even if they do claim pregnancy, there's no assurance that they'll do jack shit to help the mother raise the kid in the first place. Hey, I guess the cultures have similarities too....